Award-winning marketer, speaker and writer, Rajasekar KS has been happily married for 25 years. For the last eight years, he’s been in the matchmaking industry with the Indian online matrimony leader, BharatMatrimony, where he spearheaded projects, including the launch of ‘happymarriages.com, India’s guide to a happy marriage’, the ‘Happy Marriage Workshops’ attended by over 30,000 people and a ‘Happy Couples’ program that included over a 1500 interviews with newly married couples.
He has been recognised among India’s Powerful Influencers 2020 by Adgully, listed in Top Content Professionals by Adobe & Paul Writer (2017 & 2018), recognised by Express Writers USA in the Top 100 Content Marketers, and ranked among the top 50 marketers in India by the World Marketing Congress. He speaks on culture, content marketing, social media and technology at various forums including Internet and Mobile Association of India, Exchange4Media, IFMR and social media summits. Occasionally, he has written for the online edition of Economic Times (Tech), Business World and Business Line.
TBE: Can you share with us something about your latest book, “How to Read Your Husband Like a Book”, that isn’t in the blurb?
Rajasekar KS: ‘How to Read Your Husband Like a Book‘ has been in my head since the late ‘80s while I was still at college. Its launch was provoked by what I saw around me – lack of investment of time in building relationships for a happy life. We take marriage for granted and assume that all will be well. If you don’t water a plant and nurture it, how can you expect it to grow, bloom and share flowers, vegetables or even shade from the sun.
TBE: Since you’re in the matchmaking industry, People close to you must have been egging you on to write a book like this for years. Was there one thing that caused you to say, “I’m going to write this”?
Rajasekar KS: Yes, I’ve been fortunate to meet a lot of well-intentioned people in my life and also look under the hood of relationships, rather closely. Been part of relationship workshops, webinars and innumerable couple conversations. While the seed for this book was sowed by a conversation with a married aunt in the neighbourhood lamenting about her husband’s lack of understanding and participation in home chores, the fact that many couples go to the grave without understanding each other drove me to complete the book.
TBE: What’s one thing that you learned from your research that you think any single woman should know before marrying?
Rajasekar KS: Men are hard-wired by nature in many ways but helping them become aware of these… can bring about many positive changes. Expressing things to them clearly works, rather than subtlety. Understanding their childhood behaviour and experiences can help in making them aware of why they do what they do. But, in the end, men must become aware and make changes for a relationship to be beautiful and happy.
TBE: What is the one of the main ways that most people sabotage joy in marriage?
Rajasekar KS: By not investing enough time in the relationship, not listening/ understanding the spouse, making assumptions and reacting rather than being proactive. By assuming that “I don’t need to do anything”, the relationship/ marriage will grow on its own.
TBE: You’re attempting to change the lives of married couples through your work, what do you wish people knew about what it took to get to where you’re at in this stage of your journey?
Rajasekar KS: It’d be correct to say that it’s my life’s ambition is to help bridge the gap between couples and bring them closer. No idea crops up suddenly, all things grow on you over the years. I’ve been a keen observer of relationships since childhood. As I grew into a teenager, I was perplexed about couple arguments/fights when I thought “if only they could listen to what the partner is saying and understand each other’s intentions better, things would be starkly different”.
If one started from the point of giving to the relationship, rather than expecting or receiving, happiness would overflow in their lives. Friction would cease to exist. I’ve been happily married, to the same person, for 25 years. Our relationship has been rich and beautiful. I’ve learnt a lot over the years of marriage and now, it’s time to share the wisdom with others.
TBE: You get to spend time with many people through the ‘Happy Marriage Workshops’ and interviewed many newly married, I’m curious, what was the common problem you addressed? And what was the best thing you learned from them?
Rajasekar KS: The common problems discussed was about understanding the other person, their behaviour, motivations etc. I learnt that lack of awareness about the man or woman was causing the problems, not their intention.
TBE: What advice would you give newly married couples?
Rajasekar KS: Start with love & listening and build with awareness and understanding, it’ll influence partner to change things for good. Understand the partner’s childhood and experiences, create awareness about their behaviour by clearly articulating your thoughts, be non-judgemental and pro-active.
TBE: How was your publishing experience with Leadstart?
Rajasekar KS: Good, it started with a candid conversation with the founder of Leadstart, who showed great interest in the subject…. and later I enjoyed many discussions with his awesome team.
TBE: Is there anything you are currently working on that may intrigue the interest of your readers?
Rajasekar KS: Yes, this time a relationship book for men to understand their wives better.