Eleanor Pilcher’s debut, That’s What She Said, is a witty, heartfelt exploration of demisexuality, friendship boundaries, and sexual self-discovery that occasionally stumbles under the weight of its own ambitions but ultimately delivers an authentic portrayal of modern relationships and identity.
A Fresh Voice in Contemporary Romance
Eleanor Pilcher arrives on the literary scene with That’s What She Said, a debut that tackles the rarely explored territory of demisexuality with both humor and genuine emotional depth. As an award-winning marketer in the publishing industry turned novelist, Pilcher brings a sharp understanding of what contemporary readers crave: authentic representation wrapped in accessible storytelling. This is her first novel, marking an impressive transition from her professional background into the creative realm.
The story follows Beth, a demisexual virgin who enlists her sexually confident best friend Serena to help navigate her “sexual odyssey.” What begins as a lighthearted exploration of speed dating, tantra workshops, and encounters with well-meaning escorts evolves into something far more complex—a meditation on friendship, boundaries, and the courage required for true intimacy.
Characters That Breathe and Bleed
Beth: The Reluctant Explorer
Beth emerges as one of the most compelling demisexual protagonists in contemporary fiction. Pilcher crafts her with remarkable nuance, avoiding the common pitfall of making her character’s sexuality the sole defining trait. Beth’s journey isn’t just about losing her virginity; it’s about understanding herself within a world that often misunderstands or dismisses demisexuality entirely.
Her relationship with sexuality feels authentically awkward—from her mortifying encounter with Rupert the escort to her growing comfort during the tantra retreat. Pilcher captures the particular vulnerability of someone exploring intimacy when traditional sexual scripts don’t apply. Beth’s sessions with therapist Mr. Bates provide some of the novel’s most insightful moments, particularly when she realizes her fear isn’t necessarily about sex itself, but about the vulnerability that comes with deep emotional connection.
Serena: The Flawed Best Friend
Serena proves to be the novel’s most problematic yet fascinating character. Pilcher takes risks with her portrayal, making her genuinely difficult to like at times. Her decision to use Beth’s sexual odyssey as an excuse to avoid confronting her feelings for Zoey represents a betrayal that feels both shocking and entirely human.
The author’s treatment of Serena’s family dynamics—particularly her relationship with her emotionally distant parents—adds layers that explain (though don’t excuse) her self-serving behavior. When Serena finally cuts off her parents, declaring “Fuck them,” it feels like both a victory and a long-overdue reckoning with her own inability to form healthy attachments.
Narrative Structure and Pacing
Pilcher employs dual perspectives effectively, allowing readers to understand both women’s motivations even when they’re completely at odds. The alternating chapters create natural tension, particularly during the tantra workshop sequence where the gap between what each character wants becomes painfully apparent.
The novel’s structure mirrors Beth’s journey—starting with external experimentation (speed dating, escort encounters) and gradually moving inward toward genuine self-reflection and connection. However, this progression sometimes feels uneven. The middle section, particularly the tantra workshop chapters, occasionally drag despite their thematic importance.
The Writing: Sharp Dialogue, Authentic Voice
Pilcher’s background in journalism shines through in her crisp, conversational prose. The dialogue feels authentically British without being caricatured, and she has a particular gift for capturing the rhythm of female friendship—the casual cruelty that can hide behind loving concern, the way intimacy can become suffocating.
Her handling of demisexuality deserves particular praise. Rather than providing clinical explanations, she allows Beth’s experience to unfold naturally. The scene where Beth explains her sexuality to Evan—”a demisexual—like me—can feel sexual attraction for a person but only after they develop a strong emotional connection with someone”—feels like genuine conversation rather than educational dialogue.
Themes That Resonate
Friendship Boundaries and Codependency
The novel’s greatest strength lies in its unflinching examination of how even the deepest friendships can become toxic when boundaries blur. Beth and Serena’s relationship reads as genuinely lived-in—ten years of shared history that has created both unbreakable bonds and unhealthy dependencies.
Pilcher captures something crucial about female friendship: the way it can simultaneously empower and diminish. Serena’s confidence initially helps Beth, but it gradually becomes another form of control. The author doesn’t shy away from showing how good intentions can mask selfish motivations.
Sexual Identity and Self-Discovery
The exploration of demisexuality feels refreshingly authentic. Pilcher avoids both fetishizing and minimizing Beth’s experience. The “sexual odyssey” becomes less about accumulating experiences and more about understanding what genuine connection means for someone who experiences attraction differently.
The tantra workshop serves as an effective metaphor for Beth’s journey—initially uncomfortable and performative, gradually becoming a space for genuine self-discovery. Her realization that pleasure and intimacy extend beyond traditional sexual scripts feels earned rather than prescribed.
Where the Novel Falters
Pacing Issues
The middle third occasionally loses momentum, particularly during the extended tantra workshop sequence. While thematically important, some scenes feel repetitive, and the workshop’s New Age elements border on parody without fully committing to satire.
Resolution Feels Rushed
The reconciliation between Beth and Serena, while emotionally satisfying, happens somewhat abruptly. After the devastating betrayal revelation, their path back to friendship could have used more development. The epilogue, while sweet, ties things up perhaps too neatly.
Secondary Characters
Some supporting players, particularly the tantra workshop participants, feel more like caricatures than fully realized people. Given Pilcher’s skill with her main characters, this feels like a missed opportunity to add depth to Beth’s journey.
Comparisons and Context
That’s What She Said fits comfortably alongside contemporary authors exploring sexual identity and female friendship. Readers who enjoyed The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid or Beach Read by Emily Henry will find similar themes of self-discovery and complex relationships, though Pilcher’s approach is more grounded in everyday reality.
The novel also shares DNA with British writers like Dolly Alderton and Pandora Sykes, who excel at capturing the messy realities of millennial womanhood. However, Pilcher’s focus on demisexuality brings a fresh perspective to familiar territory.
Similar Reads for Further Exploration
Recommended Books for Similar Themes:
- Loveless by Alice Oseman – A beautiful exploration of asexuality and romantic identity
- The House You Pass on the Way by Jacqueline Woodson – Coming-of-age and sexual identity
- Red: A Crayon’s Story by Michael Hall – Though a children’s book, offers insight into identity acceptance
- The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth – Sexual identity and self-acceptance
- I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver – Non-binary identity and family acceptance
For Friendship Dynamics:
- My Education by Susan Choi – Complex female relationships and sexual awakening
- The Female Persuasion by Meg Wolitzer – Friendship, mentorship, and growing apart
- Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng – Family secrets and communication breakdowns
Final Verdict: A Promising Debut with Heart
Despite its flaws, That’s What She Said succeeds where it matters most—in creating characters who feel genuinely human and relationships that matter. Pilcher’s willingness to make her protagonists unlikable at times serves the story well, preventing the novel from sliding into wish fulfillment.
The book’s greatest achievement is its portrayal of demisexuality without making it feel like a teaching moment. Beth’s journey feels specific to her experience while remaining universally relatable to anyone who has struggled to understand their own desires and boundaries.
For readers seeking authentic representation of diverse sexual identities wrapped in an engaging story about friendship and self-discovery, That’s What She Said delivers. While Pilcher’s next novel will hopefully show more confidence in pacing and plot development, this debut announces a voice worth following.
The novel ultimately argues that the most important relationship we can have is with ourselves—understanding our needs, setting our boundaries, and refusing to let others define our journey. In a literary landscape often focused on traditional romance narratives, Pilcher offers something refreshing: a story where the greatest love affair is the one between a woman and her own authentic self.
- Recommended for: Readers of contemporary women’s fiction, anyone interested in LGBTQ+ representation, fans of British humor, and those who appreciate complex female friendships.
- Content considerations: Sexual content (not explicit), discussions of sexuality and sexual exploration, some emotional intensity around family relationships and friendship conflicts.
